the self-eulogy of eugene getts

I wanted to be a fireman, cause of the pain I had to endure.
I wanted to be a medicine man, because there is so much I want to cure.
I wanted to climb the highest mountain, but not because I'm vain.
I wanted to drink from the sweetest fountain, so I could overcome all this pain.
But nothing seems to be going as planned and,
the world is not quite right.
Still, so long as you are here my dear
I'll be comforted by tonight.

I wanted to torture my own mind.
I wanted to crush my pride-filled heart.
I wanted to force myself to sleep
so I could never need to part.
But these horses, they are too wild
and my grip is just not right.
Still, if you would wrap your arms around me
I'd be satisfied tonight.

There was a time when
I would have broken a thousand bones
so not another would be lost.
I would have comforted a thousand stones
so noone would have to be tossed.
And I could have taken my last breath
if I was certain it would win
freedom for every saint, and redemption
for every sin.

But now all I can do is watch myself
through semi-cracked tinted glass
the shadow that is staring back at me
is not the one I had.
Tomorrow might bring another chance
another moment to shine
But now the baton is in your hand
for time has passed me by.

Singing Bird

I was a lost bird then, as I am now. I suppose it is the cycle of life to return to the state that which we begin. She saw within me the sweetest aspects that which the Lord blessed me. Somehow through my multi-colored ugly feathers she realized the beauty of my soul.

I thoroughly enjoyed flying with her. The world seems a better place when ones journey is not alone. She would hold me so very tight, and it would light up my life. The way her eyes would glow still lights my pathway in my dreams. The way her fragrance would drape upon me, I still feel its fabric at times. Like a maharaja's silk gown, my body would tingle to the touch. The way her body would sway back and forth, hour glasses do not have such lovely figures.

But I disappointed her. For all the joy she gave me, I would not do the one thing: I would not sing for her. She would beg me, she would embrace me, and even cajole me. She would pout those luscious lips of hers until somewhere deep inside the strings of my violin-heart would be in perfect tune. I have never seen a better tuning-fork than her tongue. Still, perhaps because of fear of failure, or just fear of success, I could not sing.

As much as I loved to fly with her, I was afraid my singing would cause her to cage me. That she would love the song so much, that I would never be free again. How could I be so foolish. It is better to be caged in Heaven, than to be free to roam in Hell.

So she left the door to her home open one day, and I decided to fly away. I have flown for months now, and I regret every second that passes.

They say, "if you love him, let him go, and if he returns, you know its true", but they do not tell the lovestruck bird how to find his way back. After flying for months, I have lost the way back to her.

Perhaps someday, the sweet smell that used to cover me will fill my nose again. Perhaps someday those glowing eyes will be my runway back. I long for that day, as I long for those many days, days ago. If you see my fragrant flower, please let her know "her bird is ready to sing". :(

Another late night lament

So here I am alone again
and the tears keep rolling down
they have made a trail on the ground
knocking me off my feet.

I know now what I denied then
I cringed with fear at the sound
scared of somehow being bound
into Damocles' seat.

That you were Heaven sent
I can not deny myself now
It haunts me every step I take
like an incessant drumming beat.

And now I regret my foolish mistake
I am ready to repent
whatever steps it takes to amend
I am willing to somehow.

For all we are is holy cows
and all we can hope to be
is fragrance of the blooming flower
if only she would return to me.