Unbounding the self-deceived heart

I am not free anymore
my hands are bound by this system
that I have created.
It ravishes me nightly
causing me to toss and turn about
hoping to loosen the locks around
my heart.

I feel as if I am forever dead now
how else can one describe the total
moraise that has enveloped me.
Oh how I would love to toss it aside
like the night blanket I pushed away
laying on the floor.

And I think it is safe to say that
I could have had it all.
I needed no potion to gain happiness
only the sweet nectar of your lips
the soft fragrance of your skin
and the scented touch of your fingertips
which would raise my hopes like nothing else
I assure you.

But society had broken me down.
It has a way about it. It torments.
It unconsciously attempts to keep me
unhappy. Like a fool I have obliged it,
helped it, fostered it, and allowed it.

My spirits could not accept happiness.
They could not allow me to believe in
pure belief. They left my mind creating
demons.

I feared you like nothing else I ever have.
My mind it raced imagining nefarious designs
and hidden plots. Even after logic cut through
them, basic pride would not let me go beyond.

And now I know that is what I wanted. Deep down
beneath the layers of insecurity. I was just too afraid
to leap to see the other side.

So now I lay awake, chained by my own creation
and I'm not sure I want to be free.