Expectations and Suffering

The ancient people of Bharat/India pondered the deeper recesses of human psychology in tandem with religion. The one known as "The Physician", the Lord Buddha focused on trying to understand the human condition known as suffering. To simplify his statements is a dis-service, but for the sake of this blog I will suggest that his findings were that desire caused suffering.

There is an old passage in the Upanishads that says the following:

You are what your deep driving desire is,
as your desire is, so is your will
as your will is, so is your deed
as your deed is, so is your destiny.

The Vedantists clearly saw desire as the driving force of what occurs, for in the end it is ones desire that creates the "Cause" that will create the "Effect" (basic Karma).

Lord Buddha went further and suggested that suffering itself is therefore caused by such desire. If there is no desire, there is no expectation, and therefore suffering ceases to be.

Which brings me to me (hey, I didn't say this was a selfless post did I? You expect too much! :p). I have realized that one of the biggest changes that has occurred in me is my expectations have changed. I have always been very demanding of myself, that has not changed, but I think I have come to realize that this expectation is the cause of my suffering as of late, because of a lack of the ability to reach my expectations. Perhaps it is lame to just say "hey, dont expect so much...being 'normal' is ok" but, well, I'm not normal, and I'm not satisfied with being ordinary, so is the suffering not worth it? Is it not better to be sad because of loss of satisfaction, then to be content with less? If this was the only problem, I guess it would be easy to solve, for it would only affect me.

But, when there is a disease, there are symptoms. "The Physician" would point out that I have come to expect too much from others as well now. The major difference between me now, and me...say...6 years ago, was that I expected very little from people...and in that sense, I was never disappointed, and therefore did not suffer. This is a symptom. The symptom is caused by the disease within me. I have expected so much from me for so long, and those expectations have not been met. I have violently punished myself for a lack of satisfaction, and my expectation put on others is symptomatic of this desire to punish myself. "The Physician" would say "'ease your chest". With the easing of your chest will come the release of the pent up desire that is causing your suffering.

The Lord Buddha would also say "all things are impermanent, change is inevitable, strive with diligence". He would tell me that I am letting "the Architect" run my life; letting him create too many houses that are only meant to be used as my prison, as my tomb, as my coffin. He would say the same thing that Darwin would say: "those who learn to adapt to an ever changing situation are those who will survive".

So in the end, if I want to minimize my suffering, I must minimize my expectation...or at the very least, focus it, so the symptom of expecting too much from others' is drowned. Suffering is more often than not caused by ones' own desires...this does not mean that one has not been "wronged" or that others are exonerated of their malfeasance...but at least one does not have to suffer it. You don't have to forgive, but you can certainly "forgetaboutit" as some campy stereo-typical Italian hitman would say. lol

That may not be "happiness", but at least its "contentment". In the end, "contentment" is the least one should allow oneself to enjoy. Once that is been determined, the path to happiness, and bliss can be more easily viewed, since ones energy can be more readily focused. :)